How to stop being possessive in a Relationship
Before starting this post I want to let you know, I am a trained Emotional Intelligence professional and writing this kind of sensitive posts with some credibility.
“Possessiveness is like a dungeon, it is better to get out of it”
“You are born because you are going to be important to someone,” I think this statement to be so true. Everyone is going to be a special person to someone. If we see the phase from our birth, we become special to our parents, then to siblings, and then come to our relatives, friends, life partner and then kids.You have so many people who love, care and give importance to you in your life. Life seems so rosy and beautiful when you are liked by everyone and you get importance in each and every phase of our life. But is life like a railway track with no bumps in it? No, not at all.
If you observe, the majority of people are very emotional and possessive in nature. They could be possessive for humans, the things which they like, that depends on person to person and of course your priorities.Being possessive is a human characteristic and nothing abnormal in it. Well many of them hide their emotions and some can’t so they spill out. This possessiveness starts from our own house. When your cousins come to your house to spend their vacations and your mom seems to take good care of them, at that point in time you feel ignored by her. You will have that feeling of ignorance by your mom at that particular time. Well, this might be called possessiveness. Did you ever introspect as to why this thing happens? She is after all your mother but still, we have that jealous feeling that we are ignored. It’s a normal human tendency which can’t be ignored.
When you are in school, you share the common bench with your friend every day and one day because of some abstract reason he/she opts to sit somewhere else and you feel ignored and start feeling for it. Your best friend has his/her Birthday and he/she didn’t give you the invitation first, then again you will feel upset for that small thing. Why is it so? Are you expecting something from him/her? Why does that feeling come? Is it a protocol or some custom that your friend should invite you first on his/her birthday or should sit by your side every day? You actually keep your friend in top priority but is it the same priority given to you by your friend? Their priority might be some other person but you force your mind to think that he/she also have the same perception of you.
As you grow up the possessiveness and emotions become intense.In college, most of the people want to be in a relationship and I want to touch on this issue because it’s a common thing and the consequences are also catastrophic. You get into the relationship because the guy or girl is giving high importance or priority to you than any other person on this earth. But the time comes when you feel your loved one is giving less time to you and giving less importance to you in his/her life. The belief which you had on him/her is slowly getting faded away. Are the feeling for you saturated? Do you start feeling you lost your charm what you had earlier? I think diminishing of belief might be the problem. We see and hear many things happening around us and keep in our mind that it might be the reason that he/she is ignoring me. Without knowing the correct reason for him/her to ignore you, you can’t take a decision nor should be prejudiced. Either we should ask straightforwardly “What is the reason you are ignoring me”? Or else we will have to face consequences and in future and have to regret..
We want to be an important person in one or the others life but due to some situations, we can’t. But for that reason, we can’t regret and get depressed. We just have to find a way to solve that situation or face the problem. If the same situation happening with you, then you just have to give a thought about why it is happening? Don’t ever try to make pre-judgments about a person, later you may feel regret.
So let me point out some tips which will help to answer the Question in our title “How to stop being possessive in a Relationship?”?
1. Don’t change yourself for others – You should not change your Interests, hobbies, your own job, own social life for others. Yes if something is not liked by your partner both can discuss that topic and sort it out.Every person is unique in their own fields, so you are. If you have these qualities you will be a more interesting person to your partner rather changing yourself for him/her.
2. You should forget about the past – Most relationships get ruined because of the past. People try to connect their past with the present and end up in turmoil.Now you are in a new relationship, with a new person.Never compare your present with your ex, he/she deserves a new start. The best part is you would feel better if you try to let the past go. What happened in the past is already done, you have no tools to change or re-write it.
3. Jealousy – It is like a slow poison which will kill you each moment.It is bitter, makes you more hateful, frustrated.Being a human everyone has the characteristic called jealousy. But the whole point is how to minimize it. If your jealousy becomes intense day by day you will feel worthless.You should know you are self- worth and make him/her realize that he/she is lucky for having you.
4. Let your partner also live his/her life in their own way – You came into a relationship with your partner after knowing him/her. But later why you expect him/her to change according to your whims and fancies? Why do you want to change him/her now at this point?
5. Stop hallucinating things – I think this is the most vital point in every relationship.Couples feel insecure when they see instances around them and start projecting about themselves in those instances.
6. Give space – Don’t get too sticky with your partner and stop spying. Yes many of them do it but whats the use? It’s only making way towards breaking up the relationship. Don’t inquire about there whereabouts each day and each moment.It would really make them feel you aren’t trusting him/her.
7. Be open with your partner – Discuss the issues which you are facing openly with your partner. It really helps. If things are cleared and sorted out then there won’t be any confusions and the life would be happy.
We all know possessiveness can’t be eliminated but can be minimized which would make our life happy. If you have any other points feel free to comment and help others in this matter.